[Filter: Destin]

Has she said anything else yet? Anything at all?

[Filter: Destin]

At the risk of sounding completely desperate, and pathetic ... when are you getting home, exactly? I realized when I went to count the days that ... I don't really know where to finish counting, haha ...

Don't make fun of me.

[Filter: Private]

Ugh.

This is -- obsessive.

I don't know why it's bothering me so much, now. It's not ... well, it's not as if it hasn't bothered me before, thinking of them ... together. It bothers me all the time.

But I don't always just entertain it like this, either. All the time, going over and over through my head. Haha, they're all off to themselves in a private getaway, feeding each other food and ... ...

It doesn't matter that I know he doesn't -- that I know it's something he has to force himself to do. It doesn't matter that if I were as brave as he was, I'd be doing the same thing. It just -- just the thought of it, it sits so wrong, and I just can't get it out of my head, and work is only making it worse, and --

[Filter: Ally]

Er, hello, Ally. I was just wondering ... I have a little extra time, and it's been a while since we had a nice outing together. Do you have some time this afternoon and evening?

[Filter: Destin]

When are you planning to tell me about this little trip?

[Filter: Festival]

Haha ...

Is this what it's going to be every single Festival until I ... until I have the courage to ruin her life. I open my wallet and she opens her heart and it ... it doesn't even begin to equal out, in the end.

What I am even ... how is this every going to ...

...

[Filter: Ally]

Er, I just wanted to -- to say again, I really had a lovely time with you on Festival, and your gift was ... thank you. Very much.

[Filter: Maire]

Ah, I think I've mostly finished the edits on this proposal. I hope you don't mind, I did a lot of work on it, but ... ah, well, I think it's a lot more presentable now ...

[Filter: Private]

You know, she's right.

Once, I might have agreed with anything the Church said, taken their side on every stance. Haha, but I suppose I gave up those days when I turned in my robes ...

And once, I ... I might have just dismissed everything that she said because ... because I didn't like her.

I ... I don't dislike her. Not anymore. I ... it's ... it's hard, and sometimes I get so ... upset at her, for being able to be with him, at his side, when I ... never can, but ...

She's really more to be ... pitied, than anything else, isn't she? She loves him. She ... really does.

In some ways, I suppose she and I are alike.

Haha, who ever would have thought that ...

I owe her this, at least. Even if I didn't agree with her on almost all of it, when I give it some real thought ... and I do.

[Filter: Maire]

Ah, well, I finally had the time to read through this proposal of yours.

Dragons, I was by to see Ally today, and she's looking really terrible. She says that her joints all ache and she feels cold all the time, and ... poor thing.

I feel awful. I shouldn't have taken her there for her birthday. This is my fault. There are so many other places we could have gone and I picked that one and completely ruined her birthday.

I can't concentrate on my work at all ... I wonder if I should, er, bring her something, or ... or something. I don't know ...

Poor Ally. She doesn't deserve something like this ...

[Filter: Private]

I ...

We should never have bought that house. Dragons, it's going to kill us.

[Filter: Ally]

Er, hello! We, ah, just got in now. I hope you weren't getting worried, haha ...

I need to start making plans, huh? I can't believe how quickly time went by. Is there, er, anything in particular that you want to do tomorrow?

[Filter: Private]

I've barely given a moment's thought to that ... proposition.

Possibly because I really don't know where I'd even start to consider.

Obviously, I'm not happy with what the church has become. I wouldn't have turned in my robes if I were. Obviously, I think they could stand to have someone keeping them in check.

But I've heard what the Talons have done. They've hurt people, people who haven't deserved it. That's not what I want, either. That's ... that's the last thing that I want. I know enough about them to know that they and I have nothing in common except for that one ... very large ... thing.

So why am I not just telling her that I'm not interested?

... well, I know why. I'm ... holding onto hope, that there is someone and something out there that could change things. I want there to be a way for me to still serve while not hating what I'm a part of.

I know the Talons isn't that. I know it.

But just saying no ...

It feels like ... like giving up an opporunity I've been waiting for. Whether it actually exists or not.






... I don't want to go home.

[Filter: Private]

I really am looking forward to it. I can bring my work and get some things done, and I can ... just spend some time with him. Alone. Without ... without having to worry all the time, about being seen or being heard or letting myself go too much ...

I just wish I could stop feeling as if I'm doing something wrong

... haha. What am I saying? I'm ... doing so much wrong I couldn't even put together a full list ...

What right do I have to want to feel innocent?

[Filter: Ally]

Er, Ally ...

Hah, I'm afraid I'm going to be leaving you again, soon. Er, but don't worry, I'll be back in time for your birthday.

[Filter: Ally]

Er, well, I'm back in Lucre tomorrow, apparently. I'm sorry we took so long, but, er ... Destin is fairly convinced that this is going to be the best thing for me, having this place to work, and it was all I could do just to make sure he didn't push me into any rash decision, haha ...

But, ah, I guess we're buying it. Which is ... it's nice. It really is.

Er, but that's not all why I'm writing. I just wondered ... did you want to do something, tomorrow? I, er, well, I'd really like to see how your dance lessons are coming along, assuming you're still sticking to it. Elizabeth's crazy ideas, haha ...

[Filter: Private]

I know what he said is true. It's a lot safer than what we have been doing. Dragons, is it ever ...

But it still feels so ... it feels as if we're asking for trouble. It's a place where it's tempting to just let everything go, and that's just not ... er, well, haha, that's just asking for trouble! All it takes is one mistake ...

... but it's true what I said, too, isn't it?

People are ... so easy to fool.

[Filter: Destin]

Well, er ... from first impressions, at least, I ... it's nice, isn't it?

[Filter: Destin]

Er, well ... haha, as good a mood as that put me in, it really didn't help. It seems that no one on here has any insight they want to offer on the fine art of summer house buying ...

I don't know, what now?

Er, well, I have a ... an open question, for the Megami members of the journals. I ... er, well, I've been interested in purchasing a summer house by the ocean and I'm ... not really sure how to go about starting to look for one.

Does anyone ... ah, have any insight? Er, I'm sorry to pry, but ...

I ... actually miss it, this time of year. Most days, I think I did the right thing, for me, leaving the clergy. But there's something about the Days of Radiance ...

Er, sorry, I don't mean to ...

At least I can enjoy the services from the pews. That is nice, haha.

To those of you who are working hard to make it all perfect, I, er, hope you don't manage to completely drain yourselves. Haha ... save some energy.

[Filter: Private]

Dragons, I can't believe I'm going to do this. I can't believe I'm sort of looking forward to it ...

Haha, well, I'm sure he'll appreciate the humour. And hopefully the food ...

... I'm glad we're doing it this way. I'll feel ... er, better, about things, if I'm not fretting about it all day. I don't know what

I just ... don't want her hurt. Dragons, how have I wrapped myself up in this so that there's no way to not hurt her? ... just keep going.

[Filter: Ally]

Er, Ally! I know last year I came to see you early, but I thought, maybe this year, later would be, er, better? For dinner.

[Filter: Private]

It's ... easier, with her, if I just think of it as ... friends. I'm her friend and I care about her and this is what she wants so I'll do it for her. Isn't that ... what I always do? What I've always done ...?

Haha ...

I should at least make sure she doesn't break her back or ... or light herself on fire again, preparing ...

[Filter: Ally]

Er, Ally ...

[Filter: Private]

... I'm going to need to ask her to

... Dragons, I can't.

[Filter: Private]

For the person who I should be with, I get a bunch of lies ... for the person I shouldn't, a promise of eternal love.

Dragons help me ...

... he makes it sound so cut and dry, so simple, but ... well, I can't just marry her. That's a promise before the Dragons, not to mention something that lasts forever. A commitment to lie for the rest of our lives, I just can't ...

I'm not Destin. I wouldn't be able to hide it forever.

I miss wanting to be near her, talking ...

I don't want to think about this. Not today. It's the Festival.

... I hope he likes his gift. Everyone, but especially him.

[Filter: Public]

Haha, er, I see some people have been writing about it already, but I don't think you can ever have too many well-wishes, ah, personally, and ...

Well.

Happy Festival, everyone!

Er, Ally, I need to come over later to give you your gifts, and see you ... ah, I don't want to interrupt anything you might have planned with Sister Darcy, or anyone else, so, er, I ...

When would be a good time?

[Filter: Private]

She's so happy and this is all a lie.

I shouldn't --

[Filter: Destin]

I shouldn't be doing this to her.